Always Resonating with Nouwen

The feeling of being abandoned is always around the corner.  I keep being surprised at how quickly it rears its ugly head.  Yesterday I experienced that nasty feeling in my innermost being.  Just raw anxiety, seemingly disconnected from anything.  I kept asking myself, “why are you so restless, why are you so anxious, why are you so ill at ease, why do you feel so lonely and abandoned?” …Talking lessened my anxiety and I felt peaceful again.  No one can ever heal this wound, but when I can talk about it with a good friend I feel better.

What to do with this inner wound that is so easily touched and starts bleeding again?  It is such a familiar wound.  It has been with me for many years.  I don’t think this wound -this immense need for affection, and this immense fear of rejects -will ever go away.  It is there to stay, but maybe for a good reason.  Perhaps it is a gateway to my salvation, a door to glory, and a passage to freedom!  -Henry Nouwen, Sabbatical Journey