To be Needy in the Church

I regularly face the need to curb my expectations of what it means to be the church. In my own neediness, I desire so much more from the body of Christ and yet I constantly feel others implying that I am the problem, not the church. As a result, the last few years have been a journey of trying to lower my neediness and change my attitude. I haven’t let others in and I have kept my neediness as much as possible to myself or the few friends who have committed to walking along side me. Deep down though, despite all efforts to convince myself that I am the one needing to change, I cannot help but feel the conviction that the body of Christ is failing.

The implications of this can’t only hit someone like me dealing with SSA but it must also hit so many other individuals who are in difficult, lonely or isolated circumstances. I recently finished the book “Is God Anti-Gay” by Sam Allberry and though I wasn’t too impressed with the majority of the book (it was pretty basic), his commentary on the church had a few good points. Allberry writes regarding the church,

Key to our witness and credibility… is the quality of life together, and the clarity of our message… With that gospel clarity needs to come relational credibility. The New Testament often connects the effectiveness of our witness with the genuineness of our love for one another.

Allberry also writes specifically about the church’s response to those who come out as being gay stating,

We need to love them more than their gay friends do, and we need to love them more than they love their homosexuality. Only then can we begin to point to the greater love that God has for them.

I walk in and out of church not truly feeling actively loved by anyone. I think about how week to week I can go without a single person telling me “I love you” let alone putting that into actions. While I know that many individuals “love” me, without a tangible reminder and experience, my self image, self esteem and self worth are never reinforced.

I’m afraid to show how needy I really am. I am scared to let others know that deep down I just wish someone would sit next to me, be present, put their arm around me and let me know that they are there… that I am not fighting alone. I hate that I desperately desire physical contact since I can go weeks without even a simple hug. I need reminders that people actually care and love me. Even greater, I need people to bring me back to the truth that God loves me. I know myself, my short comings, my continual failures and I cannot help but feel unloveable. Sometimes I need the church to be the hands and feet of God, to pull me back in when I want to walk away and to walk alongside me on this journey that will most likely be a life long struggle.

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2 thoughts on “To be Needy in the Church

  1. Being needy is scary…and we’re wired to need others. It’s hard…and I’m sorry. It isn’t hopeless…but it may require changing churches or having frank, painful conversations.

    I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer. But I know what you mean. And right now, I’m praying that God would send you people who actively love you, who are Christ’s hands and feet.

  2. Dear BROTHER,
    My thoughts and feeling exactly! That is what I have experienced on and off throughout my walk with our Lord!
    I didn’t receive any real parental love and comfort nor hugs from them, loving human contact is so vitally important, the Lord created us this way. And the pain of NOT receiving this contact is beyond measure.
    I can assure you that there will be good days and very lonely days, but OUR LORD can and will give us a “spiritual hug”. I’m praying for you, HE is our only hope.

    I also am aware that mere words will NOT seem to comfort, I’ve had it many a time where my true Christian friends could NOT understand the torment and the pain of this loneliness and need for a human hug, but the Lord always came through in some form.

    I know and have lived through this pain, I hear you, and feel for you, I wish I could give you that hug right now, but I pray the Lord will draw so close that you will KNOW within the depth of YOUR soul HE loves you more than we can EVER Imagine!

    The Lord bless you, sending love your way and prayers.

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