There was a moment today where I caught myself yet again thinking about an unhealthy relationship I was in a few years ago. It is a continual struggle to let go of my desire to return to that relationship, particularly in times of loneliness and feelings of disconnectedness. A couple of years ago, while immersed in this relationship, I seriously considered even moving across the country to be with this guy.
Reflecting back, I am able to look back on the last 2 and a half years and recognize all that I would have missed had I chosen to pursuit that relationship. I am able to think back to the exact moment where I was met with a fork in the road and I decided to trust in God instead of pursuing a relationship that at that moment, seemed like the best thing that had ever happened to me. The road since then has definitely not been easy by no means. Despite the ups and downs, God has used my life in so many areas and it is hard to imagine that if I had pursued my selfish desires, none of that would have happened. When I think about the friendships that were created and deepened over the last couple years, the guys in my youth group that I have been able to impact, and even simply the experiences I myself have been able to encounter, it gives me a glimpse of hope that it was worth it. I am really having to hold onto that right now. I don’t have community right now. I don’t have any close friends living near me. I feel like I go through every day completely on my own. I have to hold on to the hope that God is still at work. I have to believe that I will look back two and a half years from now and yet again realize that it was worth it.