Do I Lie?

My current roommate is getting married soon and as a result I am back to the painful task of finding a new roommate or a new place to live.  With the disconnection that I have been experiencing added with the fact that pretty much everyone I know is already married, finding a roommate seems to be a nearly impossible task.  As I have been looking around online for apartments, I decided to check out the roommate-finder websites as well.  As I set up a basic profile to be able to search through the list of other individuals looking for roommates, I quickly realized that most guys looking for roommates explicitly list that they are only interested in straight men for roommates.  So what do I do? I am gay. I am not pursuing any form of a gay relationship. I recognize that most guys wouldn’t even know I was gay unless I tell them.  Do I lie or simply omit the very minor detail that I am gay?

At this point I am tempted to find a small place for my self, pay the ridiculous $1100+ for a one bedroom and attempt to live alone for the first time.  I know living alone is not the healthiest option for me.  At the same time, I know in the inevitable future I will be living on my own so perhaps now is the time to tackle this and learn to adapt.

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6 thoughts on “Do I Lie?

  1. Don’t give up on looking for a roommate if you feel that would be the best situation for you. It probably would be unfair for you to omit the gay part if you are speaking with someone who specifically requested heterosexual roommates only, but if the topic doesn’t arise in a conversation with someone who didn’t put that stipulation on an ad, I don’t see why you have to bring it up. It is not as if you are seeking a roommate for some sort of sexual relationship.

    One’s living situation is a big factor in the lives we live. I live alone and much of the time, I enjoy the level of independence that provides for me, however there are times when I would prefer a roommate. I wish you the best in finding the right path ahead for yourself!

      • Thank you Sojourner! I am sure we definitely have common experiences. I’ve enjoyed your writing quite a bit and hope you continue to keep us updated on your journey. You are most definitely not alone. Feel free to email if you ever feel like it. Take care!

  2. This is a tough one…When I was looking for a place to stay a few years ago and came across guys seeking straight guys, I thought at the time that as I wasn’t acting on my desires that I fulfilled their criteria even if technically I was gay. Now I have my own place I’m the one getting housemates and I’m usually pretty open. As much as I’d love to have a good friend to move in with I’m in the same situation as you, but I’ve been able to find a couple of cool mature people who are between places and they are respectful and all that.

  3. I wouldn’t lie because 1) it’s sinful, 2) it’s a tough lie to live with, and 3) lying would leave open opportunities for the roommate(s) to act homophobic. Is there anyone at your church who has an available space, or is looking to move too?

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