Your Wife Breathes Fire That God Can’t

I have heard the same comment several times now from many of my married friends.  When asked about their struggle with porn and masturbation now that they are married, they all pretty much have said “it has become a lot easier, especially since the ramifications are much greater since it can now hurt someone else.”  I understand that once you are married and having sex, the temptation isn’t nearly as bad.  I also recognize that not wanting to hurt one’s spouse is a important reason to stay true to one’s marriage and not look at porn.  The part that bothers me is this…  Why has a spouse been able to light a fire under your ass that your relationship with God never could?

Every time I hear this response from my friends, I can’t help but feel as though their relationship with their wife has a higher impact on their life than God ever did.  Especially when such comments are followed by telling me that I wouldn’t understand since I am not committed to a spouse, I really feel as though people’s priorities are not in the right order.  Why should a man’s desire to not disappoint their wife ever be more impactful than the desire to pursue and please God?  I am excited for my friends and the fact that they are making headway in their struggle with lust.  None of them are so naive to think that marriage is the solution either.  It has always seemed slightly ironic what a man is willing to do for a woman… but not for God.


My Own Personal Hell

Last night I was hanging out with some guys and we somehow got into a conversation about our own personal kind of hell.  It was a very light hearted conversation as we shared some of the things in life that would make eternity in hell suck even more if it was personalized to our pet peeves.  I think it all started out due to a crying child behind us… thus someone said, that their personal hell would be eternity with crying infants.

After the first example, each person started throwing out their ideas.  Hell would be having to forever iron dress shirts.  Hell would be a continual to do list given to you by your wife, while she goes out with her friends.  Hell would be room temperature coffee being the only beverage.

I told them that hell would be the 5 minutes at church where everyone is suppose to greet the person next to them… except those 5 minutes would last for eternity.  Oddly enough, everyone agreed and related most to my example.  I think it is ironic how every church I know of has the time to meet and greet your neighbor and yet everyone hates it.  It is impossible to actually connect with someone during that time nor does it adequately allow for a new person to feel welcomed.  So why the hell do all churches still create such a hellish moment in their service?

Ramblings on Heaven and Marriage

Would you want to go to heaven even if Jesus wasn’t there?

I believe this question was posed to me at church once.  It really puts into perspective whether I am focused on saving myself or if I am truly desiring a relationship with my Lord and Savior.

I often question whether the church here on earth is anything like what God intended the kingdom of God to look like.  As I stumble through my journey with the church, it is very easy for me to be cynical.  Perhaps my greatest fear is that if the kingdom of God is what the church is like today, I know I don’t belong.  However, according to scripture and what I discern to be true, I know it simply cannot be so.  But I digress.  I actually wanted to pose another question of my own…

Would those of you who are married still view heaven just as ideal if Jesus was there but you were no longer married to your spouse?  Would you change your focus in life or the church if this were true?


Did you love them?

When we die and stand before God, I presume we will be asked what we did with our time spent on earth.  I imagine many Christians proudly explaining to God how they fervently worked to preserved the sanctity of marriage from the perverted corruption of the homosexuals.

Somehow, I feel like God’s simple response will be… “But did you love them?”

When A Friendship Hits The Ceiling

One of my biggest fears with my friends is that at some point they will reach their point of limitation in our friendship where they cannot go further.  I have had enough people come and grow through my life that I don’t expect people to stay around.  Despite an incredible amount of grace that has been shown me, it has taken me quite some time to learn to trust even my closest of friends.  No matter how much I have forced myself to go beyond my insecurities and trust others, I live with the dread that it will eventually end.

I reached one of those points of limitations with one of my closest friends.  It hit me harder than I ever imagined.  He was someone that has walked with me for quite a while now and I am closer to him than any other friend.  To feel as though I reached the limit in that friendship was devastating.  A lot of hope I had in being able to develop solid male friendships has been lost…

I am really struggling to understand the balance between relying on God completely as well as having support from friends.  I know how easy it can be to become emotionally dependent on a friend.  At the same time, I feel as though God does use people in our lives to help us get through tough times.  I want to believe that a person like me can have a substantial, solid, and deep friendship with other guys.  I desire to hold onto the hope that there is a place for a single guy like me.  It is just so hard at times… I don’t feel as though I stand a chance in view of most guys getting married, investing in their career, or simply being emotionally/relationally stupid.