A Series Of Unfortunate Events

For the past three weeks, I have felt as though I have had zero control over my life.  Also, never would I have thought that issues with my car would be capable of completely taking over my life.  It really makes me appreciate the year I spent traveling without worrying about the “stuff” I owned in my life.  In the end, I feel as though I don’t own my stuff but my stuff owns me.

Ever since my accident, I have continued to have one thing after another go wrong.  Every time I feel as though I have finally managed to get things under control, something else goes wrong.  After all thats gone on, I am pretty sure the devil is the master of the auto industry and has a direct switch to everyone’s check engine light.  It seriously felt as though everyone in the car industry are all Satan’s little minions sent to torment us/rape us for everything we have.

I ended up having a couple melt downs through out the past few weeks which was a rather humbling experience for me.  I reached the point where I felt so overwhelmed by all that was going on (not just issues with my car) that I simply couldn’t handle everything on my own.  It was a really pathetic moment to look at my life and realize that almost every aspect of my life wasn’t going well and I felt powerless to change things.  Everything from my living situation, church, friendships, job and car all seemed out of my control.  No matter how much I tried, I felt incapable of succeeding at life in general…

I hate showing weakness, but it was reassuring to turn to a few people during those moments and see how they were more than willing to be there for me.  It was also interesting to reflect on why I was willing to let certain individuals see me in my broken and messed up state, while I hid it from others.  I guess it is an honest reflection of how much I actually trust certain individuals… which for some is a lot less than I would have thought.

Now that things have finally calmed down a little, I really want to refocus again.  The month of March basically was a black hole that never existed.  I feel as though I made no progress at all and I really need to start moving forward again.  It has been a rough start to April but I am expecting things to start improving soon.  I just don’t see how things could get much worse… (and yet life always seems to surprise me).

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One thought on “A Series Of Unfortunate Events

  1. I hope this message brings to your mind the ways God is working in our lives even when things aren’t going the way we planned or hoped. He will make a way.

    Lord Sometimes…
    You allow Breakages, so You can Rebuild; You allow Wounds, so You can Heal;
    You allow me to Walk in Darkness, so that I see Your Light;
    You allow me to be Perplexed, so I seek Your Truth;
    You allow me to be Empty, so You can Fill Me;
    You allow me to be Lonely, so I can see what a Friend You are;
    You allow me to learn hard Things, so I can be a gentle Teacher;
    You allow me to be void of Feelings, so I learn to walk by Faith;
    You take away my future Plans, to Teach me to Live one Day at a Time;
    You allow me to suffer Pain, so I may be Sympathetic to the Hurts of Others;
    You allow me to see the Futility of Life, so I will see Everything is Loss,
    Compared to the Excellency of Knowing Your Son, Jesus.

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