I have been sick for almost two weeks now. Those little snot-faced buggers at my school got me good on this one. Due to not having health insurance, I haven’t gone to the doctor yet and I am hoping that it will go away naturally… but in the mean time, being sick sucks. I realized that since becoming sick, I have slowly become more and more self focused. I know it is a natural thing to do, especially since I need to take care of myself, but it has become hard to stay focused on God.
As I have snotted up bags full of tissue and rubbed my nose raw, I really don’t want to do much other then sit around, zone out, and watch television. It has been hard to get up the motivation to spend time praying, doing devotions and reading. Particularly since every time I bow my head, Niagara Falls pours forth from my nostrils. Anyways, it has been disappointing since I felt as though I had made some serious progress in my life this past month…
Also, this is the second weekend I spent alone in the apartment. Part of me is perfectly fine with doing nothing and simply trying to rest and get better. At the same time, there were no invitations or opportunities to hang out either way and I have been trying my best to not get caught up on that. I can’t help but recognize how small my community has become and how disconnected from others I really am. I live roughly 40 minutes from my church, which makes it difficult to get involved there more. I have been thinking about changing churches again, which I really hate doing… but if the distance to my church is going to keep me from developing the community that I know I need, then I think I might have to find a place closer.
It is easy to get down when my body feels so lousy, but I am trying to not let myself get too low. Once I get better and come back full force with a strengthened immune system, hopefully I can regain my focus again.