Indulge one, might as well all…

Yup, today was one of those days.

I finally landed another job interview.  While I was thankful for the opportunity, I soon realized that this job would not be setting me up for future progress into the field that I want to go to.  I don’t even know if I will get the job, but my fear is that if I do get it, I need to take it.  Any job is better than no job.

Anyways, after getting back from the interview I was a bit stressed and frustrated.  I came back to the apartment and of course was faced with all of my vices simultaneously.  Vice #1: Porn. #2: Masturbation. #3: Food. #4: Television.

After failing to fight Vice #1, I soon fell into all four.  Damn.

Now that my afternoon is completely wasted, I of course go into the phase of self-loathing.  As always, I feel stupid for not being able to control myself and falling into the temptations that I know I will be facing.  I hate when I fall into this cycle.  Particularly when I have been trying my best to be in the Word and spend time in prayer.  My relationship with God has been good… which makes days like today even more disappointing.

I feel like I have been extremely intentional in how I go about each day.  I try to make lists and stick to them.  After seeing how today went, I think I am going to have to stay outside more often.  Perhaps I will have to start paying rent at Starbucks, seeing how much time I end up spending there.  I also have come to realize that when I do land a job and need to find a place to live, I probably shouldn’t live alone.  While it can be such an inconvenience to live with people, I don’t think I have a choice.


3 thoughts on “Indulge one, might as well all…

  1. I don’t think God is disappointed with you for failing to fight your vices. He looks at you and accepts you, and Satan only wants you to feel guilty and eventually make you believe that God is moving further from you, when He is always there.

    And I quote a certain quote from the series “Avatar: The Last Airbender”.
    — Don’t let your plans get in the way of your journey.

    God bless you.

  2. What you describe here is the exact reason why I chose to move in with other guys.
    These cycles often got me to a place of loneliness and depression.
    By sharing a flat now I can’t isolate myself from the world around me and am forced to interact and to get out of this place of self-pity.
    It’s not easy to share an apartment but I’d still recommend it to anyone who is going through anything similar to what I’m experiencing.

    Much love.

  3. Uhh! I know exactly what you are talking about! I try to have an afternoon unplanned where I just try to relax and have fun and before I know it I’ve gone and screwed everything up one more time. I am so tired of this struggle!

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