Today was a really frustrating day. I spent several hours job searching without much success and I finally left the apartment just to have a change of scenery. Whenever I need to get out of the house, I usually end up at Starbucks. I have been to Starbucks over 12 times in the last three weeks alone and I am on the fast track to get my gold card at this point. While I could be proud of that fact, in reality it is the sad reflection of my life and how desperate I am to simply be around people instead of sitting alone in the apartment.
Anyways, pathetic-ness aside, I normally spend my time at Starbucks reading and journaling. While I was spewing my frustrations into my journal today, I happen to scan back through my last few entries over the past month. I don’t normally read what I have previously written, but as I did, I couldn’t laugh at how almost every single entry started off by my complaining about how badly my life sucked at that moment. I quickly realized how negatively I view life all the time.
I read recently that one of the differences between rich people and poor people is that rich people see opportunity in everything while poor people see an obstacle to overcome. While my goal isn’t to be rich, I realized that the principle in and of itself was important. The filter that I look at my life through was having a major impact… and I am sure that others were able to see that as well.
Yesterday I opened up to my small group about my struggle with homosexuality. It went well and the guys were very thankful for my transparency and honesty. What I realized today was that I went into that situation viewing it as a trial that I had to endure. I was worried, stressed, and nervous the whole night and it even affected me physically. If I had viewed it as an incredible opportunity, perhaps my entire approach to the night would have been significantly different.
The truth of the matter is that by me being open to the guys , the potential for the work that God can do in our group increased significantly. Not only could God use that group to impact my life in a new way, but I know that every guy in our group is going to be challenged in new ways. I should have walked into that room last night realizing that I could be initiating a new chapter for all of us.
I am hoping to intentionally change my thinking as I face each day. It is far too easy for me to fall into a rut and sit there and wallow in it. If I can even make a little bit of progress and view every circumstance as an opportunity, I think my life would become significantly better.