My friend Luke got a text from another friend of ours, who after hearing about his plans to get engaged mentioned how happy he was that he could truly confirm that Luke was not gay. The comment was made in jest and as my friend read the text aloud, he realized later on how such a comment could be hurtful to me. He apologized to me saying how he should have been more sensitive and not have read such a text. I tried to explain to him that I could care less about him reading the text out loud. For me, I don’t want people to be walking around on egg shells, trying to be sensitive regarding the issue. I don’t want them to candy coat the world for me and keep me from hearing that comments that are made. The bottom line is that my struggle with homosexuality is not my identity or who I am.
When friends who know of my struggle ask me if I get offended by gay jokes, I tell them that I honestly don’t. I know for others who struggle with SSA it may be a different case, but for me I don’t take those jokes personally. It does not speak anything of who I am, but rather a reflection of that individual’s character. I have told my friends that when I hear such comments made, I am more saddened by the fact that it is an indication of the difficulty I will have in being open or vulnerable with such a person. Even more so, it is often a reflection of their own insecurity and inability to be confidant in their masculinity. In the case with Luke, we haven’t really had time to go into depth on what this struggle looks like in my life. We haven’t really had the time and such conversations don’t occur between us naturally. As always, I can only hope that with time I can let him know what this struggle looks like in my life and we both can grow in new ways in the future.