Joe Schmo – Let me introduce myself.

My name is Joe.

After being out of the country for roughly a year and a half, I am back in L.A. and once again unemployed.  In view of my previous periods of unemployment and the struggles I had, I want to make an attempt at being productive by starting a blog.  As much as there are plenty of subjects I would love to write about, I decided to blog about my life as I struggle with homosexuality.  While I don’t think I will be limited to only that subject, I think that it is the main area that I will focus on.  Perhaps it is to indulge my narcissistic tendencies or maybe I simply desire an arena to be heard, but my ultimate desire is to create a place of dialogue as well as hopefully through sharing my experiences, allow others to see that they are not alone.

In my previous blogs I always found a need to refine each post, make sure there were no grammatical errors, and that I communicated as efficiently as possible.  As a result, I found that it was difficult to post regularly.  My hope is that I can set aside my perfectionistic tendencies and just write.  I would rather this be a brutally honest blog that is a true reflection of my experience, even though there may be errors, then it to be a well written post that has been thought through far too much.  I guess I will have to see how this goes.

All the names in the blog, including my own, are switched in order to protect the privacy of others.  Joe is actually my middle name and I rarely go by it… usually only at Starbucks when it is easier than trying to get them to spell my real name.  Also, there are still many people in my life that do not know about my struggle and as much as I recognize that my story is not my own, but God’s, I do believe there needs to be discernment when and where to share that story with others.  As of now, I don’t even know if I am going to let my friends know about this blog yet, simply because I don’t know how much I will need to filter as a result.  Deep down, I desire transparency both in my life as well as online, but that is going to take time.  So please bear with me.

As for a little bit about me…  I am in my mid 20’s and have grown up as a Christian.  I started struggling with homosexuality around the age of 13 and have had many highs and lows in that journey.  I studied art and Bible in college, however I have continued to have a mixture of jobs ever since graduating.  More than anything, I really want to live my life for something greater than myself and so I am trying to figure out what that may look like.  For the past year and a half I have been doing ministry and relief work all around the world.  It was an incredibly impactful time in my life, but also one of the most difficult years I have ever faced.  Currently I am back in Southern California searching for work and trying to focus on developing community.  As much as traveling around the world was an awesome experience, I have found that without community I am bound to fail and fall into temptations.  I am guessing I will be sharing a lot about my struggle with finding community… while it is essential for my growth and healing, it is simultaneously the one thing that I can’t seem to obtain, no matter how hard I try.  Anyways, that is a brief glimpse of where I am at in life.  As I continue to blog, I am sure there will be many more opportunities to find out more about me, my life, and my journey.

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